Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Randomize
