if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
i drank out of a bidet.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize