I can text with my tongue
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
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