I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Randomize
