Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
