Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
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