I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Randomize
