maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Randomize
