i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
not ubering you a puppy
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
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