i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Randomize
