it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
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