I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
