please come you make the beer taste better
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
