Plan B is the new Plan A
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize