What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize
