THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
