Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
Randomize
