how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
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