umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
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