Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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