I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
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