I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
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