Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
