wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
