I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
