Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
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