I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
Just high enough for therapy.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
Randomize
