Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
I would fuck him just for his dog
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
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