were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
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