so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
