Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
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