it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
