Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
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