Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
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