but the lizard people decide everything anyway
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
