im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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