I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
is wine microwaveable?
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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