Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
