Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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