I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Randomize
