you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Randomize
