Don't worry. I has chaperone.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
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