why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
