im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
