We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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