All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Randomize
