The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
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