drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
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