I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
I need to stop coming to work sober
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
tell me about the fingering
Randomize