I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
