Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Randomize
