Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
Randomize
