my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
I can't trust your balls anymore.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Randomize