After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
