Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
Randomize
