I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
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