sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
Randomize
