I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Randomize
