Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
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