i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
it hurts more in the daytime
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
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