She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
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