Umm I'm too high to move.
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Randomize
