why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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