I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
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