Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
