oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
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