ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
