out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
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