Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
