watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
